You Can't Prove They Don't Exist

4/30/2009

#42 Flu

http://www.treelobsters.com/2009/04/flu.html
SO WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THIS SWINE FLU THING? PEOPLE ARE BLOWING IT WAY OUT OF PROPORTION. I'VE SEEN PEOPLE ON TV WORRIED THAT THEY CAN GET IT FROM EATING PORK, FOR EXAMPLE. OTHER PEOPLE ARE WALKING AROUND WEARING MASKS THAT ARE COMPLETELY INEFFECTIVE AGAINST A VIRUS AND THINKING THIS MAKES THEM INVULNERABLE. IT'S ALL PANIC AND MISINFORMATION. TO BE HONEST, IT'S UNLIKELY WE'LL BE DIRECTLY AFFECTED BY THIS IN ANY WAY AT ALL. HEY, I JUST GOT BACK FROM THE STORE AND BACON IS WAY ON SALE! I STAND CORRECTED.



 


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 4/27/2009

#41 Metric

http://www.treelobsters.com/2009/04/metric.html
I CAN'T MAKE HEADS OR TAILS OUT OF THIS ARTICLE. IT'S ALL KILOMETERS AND KILOGRAMS. THE METRIC SYSTEM IS ACTUALLY A LOT SIMPLER TO USE ONCE YOU GET USED TO IT. THIS IS AMERICA. WE DON'T USE THE METRIC SYSTEM. I THINK IT'S SIGNIFICANT THAT THERE ARE ONLY 2 OTHER COUNTRIES IN THE WORLD THAT DON'T USE THE METRIC SYSTEM AND ONE OF THEM STILL USES CHICKENS AS LEGAL TENDER. HEY, DON'T SNEER AT CHICKENS, AT LEAST THEY HAVE SOME INTRINSIC VALUE. OH, I DON'T THINK THIS COUNTRY'S FINANCIAL TROUBLES HAVE GOTTEN THAT BAD. Euro hits session lows vs U.S. Chicken



 


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 4/23/2009

#40 Inorganic

http://www.treelobsters.com/2009/04/inorganic.html
NEW SCAM? NOPE. THIS ONE'S A LEGITIMATE BUSINESS VENTURE. THAT'S A NICE CHANGE. WHAT IS IT? I'M CASHING IN ON THE BACKLASH AGAINST ORGANIC FOOD. MY NEW RESTAURANT CHAIN WILL USE GENETICALLY-MODIFIED CROPS AND IRRADIATED MEAT FROM CLONED ANIMALS. I COULD USE A FEW INVESTORS. INTERESTED? SURE, I'VE GOT SOME SPARE CASH TO THROW AWAY. FRANKENBURGER: UNNATURALLY DELICIOUS. WE'RE GOING TO BE RICH.



 


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 4/21/2009

#39 No Dogs

http://www.treelobsters.com/2009/04/no-dogs.html




 


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 4/20/2009

#38 Awards

http://www.treelobsters.com/2009/04/awards.html
WE'VE BEEN NOMINATED FOR BEST SEAFOOD-ORIENTED WEBCOMIC! THE CLAMMYS? COOL! WE'RE BOUND TO WIN. (LATER) I CAN'T BELIEVE WE LOST TO 'MUSSEL MAN'. YEAH, DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING. WELL, IF YOU CAN'T BEAT 'EM, LOBBY FOR A NEW CATEGORY. WHAT'D YOU HAVE IN MIND? (EVEN LATER) AND THE AWARD FOR BEST WEBCOMIC FEATURING DECAPODS GOES TO 'HARDCORE PRAWN' YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING.



 


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 4/16/2009

#37 In Which a Sponsor Courts the Lobsters

http://www.treelobsters.com/2009/03/256-in-which-sponsor-courts-lobsters.html
MOM'S WHOLESOME FOODS WOULD LIKE TO SPONSOR YOUR WEBCOMIC. HOWEVER, WE HAVE SOME CONCERNS ABOUT YOUR CONTENT, SPECIFCALLY YOUR CRITICISMS OF CORPORATE PRODUCTS. PERHAPS YOU COULD TONE THAT DOWN A BIT. THREE PROBLEMS WITH THIS: FIRST, WE DIDN'T ASK FOR SPONSORS; YOU CAME TO US. SECOND, YOUR 'WHOLESOME' FOODS ARE SO HEAVILY PROCESSED THAT THEY HAVE NO NUTRITIONAL VALUE WHATSOEVER. AND LAST AND PROBABLY MOST IMPORTANT, THERE IS NO WAY WE'D EVER DO BUSINESS WITH ANYONE WHO THINKS THAT 'CHERRY POPPERS' IS A GOOD NAME FOR A SNACK FOOD. THAT WOULD BE A 'NO', THEN? CORRECT.
Visit David Malki's Wondermark
(Tree Lobsters will return to its usual, cheesy pasted-up photo format on Monday.)




 


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 4/13/2009

#36 Couple Thoughts

http://www.treelobsters.com/2009/04/couple-thoughts.html
HELLO SIR OR MADAM. WOULD YOU LIKE TO SIGN OUR DEFENSE OF MARRIAGE PETITION? DEFENSE AGAINST WHAT? SAME-SEX MARRIAGE IS IMMORAL AND THREATENS TO DESTROY THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE. WE NEED TO OUTLAW IT. IT'S FOR THE GREATER GOOD! IT'S FUNNY HOW PEOPLE USE 'THE GREATER GOOD' AS AN EXCUSE FOR COMMITTING FAIRLY SIZABLE EVILS. IT SEEMS TO ME WHAT YOU'RE ATTEMPTING TO DO IS LEGISLATE AWAY SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE, INSTEAD OF ADDRESSING THE REASONS FOR YOUR DISCOMFORT. THAT'S JUST THE SORT OF RHETORIC I'D EXPECT FROM YOU LIBERAL ACTIVISTS. YOU REALLY NEED TO STOP DOING THAT. IT'S FOR THE GREATER GOOD.



 


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 4/09/2009

#35 A Star is Born

http://www.treelobsters.com/2009/04/star-is-born.html
I HEARD THAT A NEW STAR FORMS IN THE GALAXY EVERY 7 WEEKS. SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT. A STAR CAN'T JUST APPEAR IN 7 WEEKS. I'M SKEPTICAL. IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING THOSE SCIENTISTS MADE UP TO ACCOUNT FOR ALL THE STARS IN THE SKY. OH, I SEE THE PROBLEM. YOU'RE CONFUSING FORMATION RATE WITH ACTUAL FORMATION TIME. FOR EXAMPLE, FOUR BABIES ARE BORN EVERY SECOND BUT NO ONE SERIOUSLY THINKS THAT THE GESTATION PERIOD OF A HUMAN IS 250 MILLISECONDS. OK, GOT IT. SO A STAR TAKES 9 MONTHS TO FORM? YEAH, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.



 


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 4/07/2009

Stick Science Contest Entry

http://www.treelobsters.com/2009/04/stick-science-contest-entry.html
This is my entry for the Florida Citizens for Science Stick Science Contest. Phil Plait is one of the judges and has been promoting the the contest on Bad Astronomy. I don't think this really adheres to the rules but it was fun to do anyway.





 


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 4/06/2009

#34 Coffee

http://www.treelobsters.com/2009/04/coffee.html
AREN'T YOU GOING TO START ANOTHER POT OF COFFEE? WHY? I GOT ENOUGH FOR MYSELF. SO YOU FIGURE, EVEN WITH THE LARGE NUMBER OF COFFEE-DRINKERS IN THE OFFICE, THAT NO ONE ELSE WILL WANT A COFFEE ANY TIME IN THE NEAR FUTURE? MEH, IF THEY DO, THEY CAN START THEIR OWN POT. AND WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE IF YOU'D COME IN HERE AND ALL THREE POTS WERE EMPTY? PROBABLY COME BACK LATER WHEN SOMEONE MADE A NEW ONE. A BIT HARSH, DON'T YOU THINK? HISTORY WILL JUDGE ME AS A HERO.



 


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 4/01/2009

#33 Testing 1, 2, 3...

http://www.treelobsters.com/2009/04/testing-1-2-3.html
SO, I READ THAT JENNY MCCARTHY WAS... BWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... This is a test of the Emergency Bullshit System. The skeptics of your area in voluntary cooperation with Federal, State and local critical thinkers have developed this system to keep you informed in the event of a logical fallacy. If this had been an actual emergency the Attention Signal you just heard would have been followed by official information regarding the nature of the logical fallacy. This concludes this test of the Emergency Bullshit System. ...BOTOX. YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING.
EBS First Responders In Your Area
Bad Astronomy
JREF
Skepchick
Snopes
What's The Harm?




 


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