You Can't Prove They Don't Exist

5/28/2009

#50 Out of Service

http://www.treelobsters.com/2009/05/out-of-service.html
BEST BIKE'S CUSTOMER SERVICE IS TERRIBLE. THEY'VE GONE OUT OF THEIR WAY TO AVOID HELPING ME. WHAT DID YOU EXPECT? EVER SINCE SPROCKET CITY WENT UNDER, THEY'VE HAD A MONOPOLY ON CHEAPLY MADE BUT ODDLY OVERPRICED BICYCLE PARTS. THEY CAN DO WHATEVER THEY WANT. YEAH BUT THIS GOES WAY BEYOND. THE STORE STAFF REFUSED TO SPEAK TO ME AT ALL AND THEN CALLED THE COPS ON ME. THEIR WEBSITE IS A MAZE OF TWISTY LINKS, ALL ALIKE. IT TOOK ME TWO HOURS TO FIND THEIR CUSTOMER SERVICE NUMBER. LET'S SEE WHAT THEIR PHONE SYSTEM HAS IN STORE FOR ME... AAAAARGH! WHAT? THEIR HOLD MUSIC RICK-ROLLED ME. OH, THEY ARE GOOD. YEAH.

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 5/25/2009

#49 Toonies

http://www.treelobsters.com/2009/05/toonies.html
HELLO SIR OR MADAM. WE'RE VISITING HOMES IN YOUR AREA TO SPREAD THE GOOD WORD OF THE ARTIST. OH, YOU'RE TOONIES, AREN'T YOU? WE PREFER THE NAME 'GRAPHIC NOVELITES'. YOU BELIEVE THAT THE ENTIRE WORLD IS JUST A CARTOON, RIGHT? ESSENTIALLY, YES. WHAT WE SEE AS REALITY IS MERELY A SUBSTRATE FOR THE ARTIST'S CREATION. IT IS OUR MISSION TO FIND THE 'MAIN CHARACTER' AND BECOME CLOSER TO THE ARTIST THROUGH HIM. OR HER. OR IT. IT? THERE'S A SLIGHT POSSIBILITY THAT THE MAIN CHARACTER IS AN OBESE ORANGE CAT.

Yes, the pamphlets are Action Comics #1.



 


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 5/21/2009

#48 Thoughtless

http://www.treelobsters.com/2009/05/thoughtless.html
If we change the way we live... My teacher says it's OK to refrigerate food. ...our kids will think about new things... Washing your clothes in the river? That's so old fashioned. ...and ask uncomfortable questions. If the doctor gives me medicine, do I still need an exorcism? Change forces you to think. Vote NO on everything. Brought to you by the Coalition Against Scary New Things
Confused




 


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 5/18/2009

#47 A Cold Fusion Song

http://www.treelobsters.com/2009/05/cold-fusion-song.html



(The meter's a bit of a stretch in spots. You'll just have to wing it.)
Misters Pons and Fleishman did an experiment, To make a fusion reaction on a laboratory bench. Electrolyzing heavy water on an electrode, They measured excess calories by the wagon-load. They jumped around, laughing with glee. Thought they had produced abundant energy. They wrote up a paper and sent it all about. The scientific community all began to shout... Any old ion, any old ion, any any any old ion. Excess heat, that's really sweet. All your tubes and wires are done up nice and neat. Talkin' to the press in your Sunday best, With your best lab coat and tie on. But I wouldn't give you tuppence for your neutron count. Old ion, old ion!

Cold Fusion
Any Old Iron - Stanley Holloway
1927 Solvay Conference




 


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 5/14/2009

#46 Tweet

http://www.treelobsters.com/2009/05/tweet.html
Not much going on. @treelobster2 staring at me. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Now @treelobster2 is asking me what I'm doing. (sigh) @treelobster1 What are you doing? @treelobster2 Tweeting about tweeting. Now tweeting about tweeting about tweeting. @treelobster1 Why? @treelobster2 I'm trying to cause a self-referential feedback loop that will cause the microblogging universe to collap... (fail whale) Oops! The universe has received the following error: Reality overflow exception. Self-reference limit exceeded.



 


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 5/11/2009

#45 Parei-doll-ia

http://www.treelobsters.com/2009/05/parei-doll-ia.html
HEY, LISTEN TO THIS DOLL. buliblbububukugidadaga WHAT? IT SAYS 'BUY LITTLE BROTHER BY CORY DOCTOROW'. CAN YOU BELIEVE THEY'RE GIVING THESE THINGS TO KIDS? IT'S EVIL AND SUBVERSIVE. IT'S JUST GIBBERISH. THE ONLY REASON IT SOUNDS LIKE THAT TO YOU IS BECAUSE SOMEONE TOLD YOU IT DOES. YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. CORY DOCTOROW HIDING SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES IN DOLLS? THAT'S JUST CRAZY. HEH, YEAH. MY PLAN IS NEARLY COMPLETE! BWHAHAHAHA!



 


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 5/07/2009

#44 Relativism

http://www.treelobsters.com/2009/05/relativism.html




 


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 5/04/2009

#43 Worthless

http://www.treelobsters.com/2009/05/worthless.html
TRADING CARDS? YEAH, BATTLE BUG BOTS! I JUST GOT THE SPECIAL, LIMITED-EDITION ARACHNOFRAG CARD. IT'S WORTH OVER A HUNDRED DOLLARS. IT'S JUST A TRADING CARD. IT DOESN'T REALLY HAVE ANY MORE OR LESS VALUE THAN ANY OF THE OTHER CARDS. SURE IT DOES! IT'S REALLY RARE. BUT THE RARITY IS ENTIRELY ARTIFICIAL. THE COMPANY THAT MAKES THEM COULD PRINT UP A THOUSAND MORE TOMORROW. THE ONLY REASON THEY'RE WORTH ANYTHING AT ALL IS BECAUSE OF YOUR DISTORTED PERCEPTION OF THEIR VALUE. THEY'RE JUST PIECES OF PAPER WITH INK ON THEM! LIKE STOCK CERTIFICATES OR $20 BILLS? EXACTLY! WAIT, WHAT? NOTHING.



 


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